PTSD or CPTSD, it's going to be the same for all us SURVIVORS. When you finally find a new job to give a part of your wonderful self to it's going to be very hard not to overcompensate for the existence of the not-so-wonderful elements of your 'Self'. Putting yourself into the highest gear you can physically tolerate to drive in the opposite direction of living with your PTSD will only cause your nervous system to splutter and come to a stop.
Ho, ho, ho. Not. Christmas is coming. It's bloody well almost round the mountain, about to 'sleigh' my brain all over again. The annual dread of the 'big day'. Memories, triggers, confusing feelings, remorse and more. Sound familiar? Heavens above, you are not alone!
I don't want my new boss to regret hiring me. She is an amazing boss and very kind, someone I connect to instinctively. I mustn't lose her trust, or run away out of fear of what might become of our effective working relationship if I overshare at some point.
What do CPTSD or PTSD survivors (we do not use the word 'victim') use to defend themselves when all has been broken and torn apart? If you're alive to read this right now, then whatever you have experienced, I promise you, YOU ARE A SURVIVOR. You found your SHIELD.